comparison is the thief of joy.

I was behind on the “blog writing” schedule I had silently promised myself upon leaving on this trip. Thinking that I would have hours upon hours of monotonous flights and buses, certainly I would have lots of extra time to write…right? Wrong. I ended up sleeping or absentmindedly listening to audiobooks...not writing.

For the first time in a few days, I had fast access to wifi, and was excited to take advantage of it. Finally emptied my inbox, checked to make sure my bank account hadn’t bounced, caught up on friends' lives on fb (newsflash: they continue even if you are on the other side of the world).

I was finally ready to get down to the real blogging!

There were a few titles/outlines of topics I planned to write about (still do, in fact), including honeymoon misadventures, things we learned about wedding planning, the girls I’ve been working with here in Cambodia…the list goes on. However, when I started typing, that’s not what came out.

Nothing happened. 

I felt totally blank, void of any interesting tidbit to share to the vast interwebs. In fact, I had been struggling with similar feelings all week. Even though I had been pretty productive in terms of checking off the to-do list, I was feeling more drained by the minute.

I’m not sure when this episode of comparison started. It could have been when I read a good friend’s blog about her recent trip to SE Asia and the other many projects she is working on (beautifully, I might add!). Or it could have crept up when reading the adventures of my friends in the horse world, either battling the cold on their rides in Tennessee, or basking in the sunbeams of Florida with the rest of the lucky equestrian snowbirds (meanwhile, my horse is currently losing all his muscle tone, and probably emptying his brain of everything he has learned in the past year). But suddenly, I wasn’t good enough. Certainly not eloquent enough to write something worth reading, not clever enough to evoke a laugh, not deep enough to move anyone to tears.

So I didn’t write.

I left the computer and continued the day. Took some mediocre photos, tried to plan for the next few days, wore a crown of flowers made for me by some of the little girls, visited a sick lady in the village, had dinner…but felt slightly disconnected the whole time. The question “what are you even doing here” endlessly circled around my brain.

It took a particularly inspirational episode of The Newsroom, followed by some sappy music and clicking through wedding pictures from last fall to start me out of my funk. Perhaps it was the crying that did it, but maybe, just maybe, it was the realization of everything I do have.

This last year has been pretty rad. I freaking got married to the love of my life. The people that surround my life are incredible, and they do incredible things – they touch peoples’ lives, they inspire others, they start amazing businesses, they inspire me to be a better trainer and a better rider. They love so well, and I am completely undeserving of their support and friendship.

It’s so easy to fall into the rut of comparison, and it generally isn’t going to lead you in the direction you are hoping for. It certainly won't allow you to be you.

Jon Acuff recently wrote two good articles about comparison, and if you find yourself resonating with my struggles over the past few days, I recommend a quick read.

His first post, 2 Reasons You Shouldn’t Compare Yourself to Other People, is a good intro, however, I loved his follow-up post even more. In Inspiration vs. Comparison, he finishes the idea he started by expanding upon the idea that “inspiration tells you everything is possible, comparison tells you everything is impossible.” 

That was where I ended as well. I was able to move on and continue writing with confidence. This is a continual process, and one that I continue to revisit. But I hope that it's a good reminder that we each have our own stories and struggles, whether we are stuck at home or traveling around the world. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, or ways that you have been able to overcome the paralysis caused by comparison.